A King-Sized Comforter

why do i find so much comfort in other people’s words?

com·fort
noun
  1. 1.
    a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.

can mean your bed on a Wednesday afternoon with the windows open so it’s just chilly enough to need blankets

sitting on a front porch swing while the sun rises

comfortable is easy. it’s not new. it’s not scary. it’s not different. i like that. but lately i’ve come to find out that comfort is not always a good thing. comfort means everything is the same and there’s no room for growth and discovery

i started this blog outside of my comfort zone. and a series of unfortunate events pushed me back into my comfort zone which put my blog on the back burner. i found guidance through quotes and sayings and books and movies that i could attach my feelings to. but that can only get me so far. i can be told a million times over in 10 different ways that “everything’s gonna be okay” but,

but there’s something about the way a string of words come together to make you feel something

the worlds surround me like a king-sized comforter and make me feel all cozy again.

 

I’ve come to notice the words that once helped are now making me angry like I’ve become a failure who can’t create her own happiness. The words have done their job but they mock me now. I’m so afraid of fighting, hurting, misleading, trusting, caring, because of the possible outcomes. I am so afraid of letting people down.

Do you know how fucked up that is?

 

I’m afraid to do things because I could potentially like it and all good things come to an end so why try…..

I just noticed how tense I got while writing this because it makes me so angry. *unclenches jaw* I know this is no way to live but yet I still read the self help books, take the medication, and read the quotes, just in the hopes that I guess they’ll do the leap of faith for me??? I’m not quite sure.

I’m stuck in neutral

 

this isn’t comfortable to write because I know once I post this I owe it to myself to change my obsession with comfort.

 

I know I am capable of so much more than what I’m doing right now which is the most frustrating part.

Time to trade in my king-sized comforter for a queen-sized one. baby steps.

 

love,

delaney rae

 

p.s. if you can relate to this in anyway I’d love to hear your stories in the comments…let’s do this together

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